I Don't Wanna

Sorry that it is so long. Since its been a long wait and i had time to type during church here go, It was awkward writing this in church tho, >_<  But any way Enjoy and please comment I live on feedback.. <3

This house is chaos. People running around, babies crying and DJ can’t find his shoes. I’m the only one fully dress with the twins who was also dress. Kia and Jessica are running around trying to finalize some things for DJ’s party which starts in 30 minutes. DJ came running down the steps with nothing but his underwear and shirt on.

“DJ, baby where is the rest of his clothes?” I asked him pulling him into my embrace.

“They whack, this is I’m wearing.” He folded his arms and poked his lips out. I guess he got that look from me.

“No, you going back upstairs, putting on your jeans and getting your shoes that is on the dresser. You have 5 minutes to put it on and come back down here.” I got down to his level and wagged my finger in his face. He stormed off back upstairs.

“Excuse me, sir. I don’t care if it’s your birthday. I still will pop your little hands.” I screamed up the steps.

“Oh you are. I want the first hit.” Mrs. Carol appeared standing at the door. I saw a car sped off out the driveway.

“I’m glad you are here mommy. I missed you. Who dropped you off?” I stood up to give her a hug.

“I know. Somebody hasn’t been by to see me lately. A man from my church.” She replied going to sit on the sofa in front of the twins. “They getting big and they look like you.”

“I know. Everybody says that, I’m ready of them to walk. I’m sorry I haven’t seen you, these last couple months have been hectic.” I sat down beside her while DJ ran down the steps, fully dress. “Now that’s more like it big head, say hey to your grandma.” DJ ran over to his grandma.

“Hey mum mums, I’m 4 now. I a big boy.” He hugged her tight.

“I’m missed you sweetie. You look too much like your daddy.” I rolled my eyes. “Speaking of daddy, Erika, where is Dontae?” She peeped over at me.

“If I knew, I would tell you.” I got up and grabbed the diaper bag, car seats, keys and purse. “You might see him today, he is so unpredictable.”

“Oh, I better see him. I told that boy you are not a baby sitter.” Ms. Carol got up and helped me get the twins in their proper seat.

“Kia and Jessica? Are yall ready or should I drive my truck and meet you two there?” I screamed up the steps. I needed to get out this house.

“Go ahead boo, I will take care of precious beamer.” Jessica yelled down at me.

“Ok. Hurry up, I need my babies there.” I laughed. I picked up all my junk and the twins and put it in the car. I put DJ in the middle of the two car seats so he could help me out. Ms. Carol sat in the passenger side and I jumped up in the driver’s side.

The entire ride to Jeepers was quiet. The radio played lightly and the light snores of the twins. Ms. Carol just enjoyed the ride, not talking to me. I think she wanted me to focus because i had steered different because of stomach. I pulled in the parking space, I took a deep breath. I had a feeling this was not going to go as plan.

“We here.” I said angelic.

“Yay.” DJ screamed as he unbuckled himself.

“This wasn’t far as I thought. I could have driven here.” Ms. Carol gave me a smile.

“No problem mommy. No point of wasting gas when I was coming up here anyway.” I smiled back at her as I got out the car to get the stroller. As soon as I closed my door, I saw my BMW flying in the park beside me. Kia and Jessica got out laughing.

“Are you chicas crazy? Don’t be driving my car like that.” I went to Kia’s face. “Now I see why you don’t have a car, you can’t drive.” I did a hair flip and went back to fixing the stroller.

“I guess somebody didn’t get none last night.” Kia laughed. She was right, I was a little on the edge so I joined in with her. “That’s more like it. Now let’s get these babies together.” All us hooked up the car seats to the twin stroller. I fixed DJ’s outfit as they did physical labor.

“Y’a ll ready to go in?” I asked all them in my country accent.

“We been ready. Waiting on little miss perfect to fix everybody.” Jessica replied. I laughed. Ms. Carol held DJ’s hand as we crossed the street, I held on to Kia’s arm as she pushed the stroller. The closer we got to the door, I had a bad feeling about this.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!” Everybody screamed and threw confetti and blew the party horns. Well, everybody besides two people in the corner hugged up. It looked like Dontae and Leila? I felt my heart drop. I guess I wasn’t the only one to recognize that.

“Come on Mami, let’s find us a seat.” Kia said dragging me.

“Yea, you need to sit down and relax. DJ will be fine he with his grandma.” Jessica co-signed, helping Jessica find me a seat.

“Do I need stronger contacts? I am seeing shit.” I mumbled to them as I sat down.

“No, you got some good contacts sweetie.” Jessica said rubbing my back.

“So it was him? How could he do this to me? Ugh, I should kill him.” I got up but my emotions made me sit back down in my seat. I made sure one tear did not fall, I’m done crying over him. I’m just going to give him some competition.

‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Dontae Jr, happy birthday to you!” Everybody sang as DJ stood over his cake. The 4 candle was lit and DJ was making a wish. I tried to be as happy as possible, but the fact that Dontae was hugged up with somebody else made me hate myself. I helped Ms. Carol cut the cake and collect all the gift. Once I finally got seated, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“What?” I asked as I turned around to see Dontae standing there.

“You alright?” He asked me with a smirk on his face.

“Yeah, why shouldn’t I be?” I crossed my arms.

“Normally you would be crying right now. I guess I taught you well.” He laughed.

“Yep, you taught me all boys are dogs that can’t be trusted. So don’t get too emotionally connected to them. They play games, you should too.” I looked down at him.

“Yeah, you saying all this shit now we will see what happens later when I come home.” He wrapped my hair around his finger.

“Where do you live? Not at my house. I don’t take stray dogs.” I pushed his hand off me. I saw Leila coming from behind him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his lips.

“What you doing baby?” She asked him looking down at me.

“Just handling some business, go wait in the car for me I will be coming.” He told her and she walked away. I rolled my eyes, and glanced over at the twins, who was staring at me. “As I was saying, I will be back.” I laughed and waved him off. I don’t have enough energy to waste on him.

Once the party started to die down, I started to pack up all these gifts. Ms. Carol caught a ride home with Niece, so I just had one place to go. I put all my kids back in the car, all of them were sleep before I even entered the interstate. Jessica and Kia drove right behind me the whole way home. I entered the house, put everybody in their room and laid on my bed, thinking. ‘Is it always going to be me by myself? Why do I love him so much?’ I got fed up with all my thoughts, so I decided to call someone.

“What’s up ma?” Mello answered the phone on the first ring.

“Hey, what you doing?” I asked him as I put my hair in bun.

“At the studio. What about you?” He replied to me.

“About to come to the studio, I need to record something.” I said as I picked up my purse and my keys.

“Come on, I will always make room for you. Believe that.” He said. That made me smile. It felt like I haven’t smiled in years. I hung up the phone. I quickly ran out the door, it’s late everybody is sleep. I will be back before anybody notice I’m gone.

“What’s the matter with my little Barbie doll?” Mello asked me as he hugged me.

“Nothing.” I replied looking down.

“Yes it is. You know I’m always here to listen.” He said while trying to look in my eyes.

“Drop that subject, I came here to record not be on Dr. Phil.” I gave him a fake smile and sat down on plush couch.

The engineers played with all those buttons and switches on the board. Mello was in the booth rapping. While I sat on the couch thinking and wondering about random things. I think it studio vibes, that get my mind wondering about things that have nothing to do with life. Everyone tonight seemed focus and happy while I was the party pooper, in the corner with a frown. People stared side-eyeing me and throwing shade my way but I really didn’t care. I was not here for them so those hoes just had to deal. After a straight 30 minutes of rapping non-stop, Mello came out and sat beside me.

“You ready to talk now?” He asked as he pulled out his phone. Not even noticing me rolling my eyes.

“No, I want to record. This ain’t no talk show and you definitely not Steve Wilkos.” I poped my gum and shifted in my seat.

“See why you throwing all your anger at me, I aint do nothing to you. You still mad over that little interview thing. You can fix that with Sway and still end up looking like the perfect angel.” He fussed at me.

“I won’t even talking bout that. I’m so over that. You must be stuck on it or something.” I flipped my hair and turned to Marc, one of the engineers. “Ayye, Do you have Marvin’s room instrumental?” He laughed and nodded at my question. “Good, that’s what I want to play with real quick.” I slowly got up and entered the booth.

Mello being so tall and me just getting to 5 feet, I had adjusted the mic-stand to fit me. I had to reach up high and stand on my tipey-toes. The music starting playing and all my feelings and emotions came back in full force. Before I knew it I free styled a whole song, without knowing what I was saying. It felt like another person came in and took control of me. I slowly walked out the booth, sat back down on the couch to hear my final product.

“Damn Erika, dude must done you hell of wrong.” Marc said as sat down. I smirked. “He dumb as hell then, I would have wifed you.” Everybody laughed at him. He went back to his laptop, and started to play my song.

Chillin in my bedroom
Wife beater and my panties on
Just got a phone call
That you was out with ya new girl
The nigga that I did love
Really kinda threw me off
Feel like I'm drownin in sorrow
Where is my lifeguard

-Chorus-
Fuck that new girl that you love so bad
I know you still think about the times we had
I say fuck that new girl that you think you found
But you callin me even when she's around
I'm just sayin with me and you had better
I know your boys have told you that lately
After me you couldn't find better
I notice that your new girl ain't me, ain't me

Kisses from a rebound
She just a girl you keep around
I see all of your phone calls
But I don't have the time to pick up no more
All the shit we been through
And I admit it boy I miss you (damn)
And I been sippin this champagne
A lil tipsy so I called you back to say

-Chorus-
Fuck that new girl that you love so bad
I know you still think about the times we had
I say fuck that new girl that you think you found
But you callin me even when she's around
I'm just sayin with me and you had better
I know your boys have told you that lately
After me you couldn't find better
I notice that your new girl ain't me, she ain't T


You gon be trippin when I'm at a party
You see these niggas lookin at my body
You wanna grab me when you see me leavin
Won't take you back and I'll give you the reasons
I told you I'll leave knowin I wanted to stay
You didn't try and let me walk away
Startin to think all niggas are the same
Look on your face tell me that you're ashamed
Wanted to love you but now I'm afraid
You say you need me and how much you've changed
I don't believe you it could be just game
Trust isn't somethin you give out it's gained
Didn't wanna give up, Say you want me back now
Got my feelins mixed up I just wanna move on
I need someone that I could lean on
And it won't be a nigga like you

I'm just sayin we had better
I can't even remember that worth
Because you tellin me that you need her bad
Your new girl ain't me, she ain't me

I put my head in my hands and laughed. This was realest shit I ever wrote. People started clapping at the end of the song, I felt free. I let go of some of my thoughts and extra stress I had on me.

“So, I guess you single now huh?” Mello asked as he placed his hand on my thigh.

“I am, single and pregnant. I guess I’m on the top of the list.” I replied with sarcasm. He laughed and grabbed my hand.

“Come on, let’s go.” He whispered in my ear.

“Where we going?” I asked as I moved back.

“Back to my house, I have to show you something. Don’t worry its rated PG.” He laughed. I nodded and walked outside.

“Where is your car? I will follow you.” I said to him. He nodded his head and walked towards his car. I wish I knew what kind it was but it was dark and all I saw was car. I hopped up in my truck and followed him back to his place. I never been to his neighborhood so I was lost. He lived in a two bedroom condo, about 5 minutes away from the studio, it looked nice on the outside but even better on the inside. You can tell he either lives by himself or with a male roommate because this condo doesn’t have any feminine touch to it. I walked in slowly inhaling the smell of Polo cologne.

“Come on sit down, relax I will be back.” I went and sat down on his Loveseat, I took off my shoes and looked at Ebony magazine that was around the same age as me. It had Destiny Child on the cover, and they haven’t been a group in forever and it was four of them on the cover. Mello came and sat beside with a book in his hand. I was one of them old composition books that you used in school. On the cover it had, Notes written on it. It looked like my handwriting. I took it from him and looked at notes me and Kia use to write to him. Memories from middle school were coming back. It was one page that was folding and it was between me and Kia.

K: You know Mello likes you right.

E: Yeah, I know. He probably would be sexy w/o the braces and glasses.

K: Aww, yall should get married when yall get older.

E: No, I’m marring bow wow, duh.

K: No, I’m marring him, You are marrying Romello Thomas.

E: Eww. I could never.

K: Yes, and when you go to high school, you probably let him hit it.

E: no comment.

K: You are nasty, you probably would let him hit it now.

E: no, well maybe.

K: I’m done. I need to finish my work.

I closed the book down and looked at him. How did he get this? And why do he still have it?

“OMG, I’m so embarrassed. How did you get this?” I asked him.

“I was obsessed with you. When you threw it away in locker clean, I just went in there and got it. That notebook has some important thing you know.” He picked up the notebook and flipped through the pages.

“No, I was so childish then. Especially that one.” I put my hands over my mouth. “Kia needs to read this.”

“Well about that note, was it true?” he asked me looking into my eyes. I looked down, trying to come up with the best run-around answer.

“Boy, that was 8^th grade. I don’t remember that stuff.” I laughed to myself.

“I will take that as a yes, so how about now? I still feel the same way about you. And I don’t have glasses and braces now, and I’m way sexier now then 8^th grade.” He looked down at himself.

“Cocky much?” I chuckled. “But what are you talking about? I’m lost.” He slowly made his way towards me, kissing my neck then moving his way up to my lips. “What are you doing?” I breathed.

“Fulfilling my fantasy.” He replied as he went back to kissing my lips. How does something feels so good but is so wrong? I got up and moved to towards the door. “Erika, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this.” I shook my head and picked my keys and shoes.

“Why not?” He asked, while standing directly in my face.

“For one, I’m pregnant.” I stated.

“Trust, I will be gentle.” He said grabbing at my waist.

“And I don’t want you to be the rebound guy. You might think it’s something there, while its really not. I haven’t been myself the last couple days.” I started to back away from him, he grabbed on to my arm.

“There won’t be any feelings on this end.” He bent down and kissed my lips, more passionately than the last.

Everything in my hands fell on the floor, my arms went around his neck. He gently picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He guided me to the bedroom and sat me down on the edge of the bed. I laid back as he undress himself as well as me. He started with my legging, practically ripping them off of me. Then he removed my Vicky secret underwear with his teeth. He lifted my leg on his shoulder while his tongue with down, deep in ocean. The sound of slurps was heard along with soft moans. He stiffed his tongue up and rapidly went in and out. “Fuck.” I screamed as he started to go faster. I gripped on the sheets and the mattress as he handled his business down. I started to moving away from him until he grabbed on to my thighs. “Un un, I waited on this to long for you to play.” He breathed. Then his tongue went even faster and deeper. “Shit Mello.” I cried out. His tongue felt so good as it went deep in me, I could feel it in the bottom of my stomach. He chuckled and went to his nightstand to get a condom. Mello pulled it down on his ‘friend’ and stood and looked at me. “I’m going be gentle.” He spoke. I nodded as he held himself on top of me. He entered me slowly, and took soft strokes. I bit on my bottom lip. “Ahh Mello.” I called out. It felt like I bit a hole in the bottom of lip. He started to pick up sped as he held of my legs in the air. It felt so good that tears were forming in my eyes. The sound of our two bodies hitting each other became the only sounds. Quickly after that scream I reached my peak and he laid down beside me. “Damn, 45 minutes? I guess I’m a minute man” he said out of breath. “Shut up, stupid.” I laughed. He put his arm around my chest hold me close to his heart. That’s where I fell asleep and felt like I should have always been.

Sorry 4 Da Wait

Sooooo I know people are wanting me to update which I plan on doing THIS weekend. I just finished an eight page paper and other stuff for school so my brain is FRIIIIIIIIIEEEEDDDD *chicken barks* lmaaoo. But it is coming. Love you guys for the love and support, :-* <3

Doing It Wrong

So, this is short but needed. I might do a new blog for Finding Me: Tale Of Two Hearts or keep it up here, i don't know yet. Enjoy. =)

It seems like I haven’t walked around in the mall in forever. But I haven’t missed much though. Same ol’ people throwing shade my way and a few whispers. ‘OMG, she already has infant twins and she back pregnant again.’ It seems people judge me before the get the full story. We was walking around the food court looking for Tropical Smoothie, Dontae was pushing the twins around in the double stroller. The only thing I had was my purse and my Strawberry Banana Smoothie, that was too die for.

“What Store we going to?” Dontae asked me as I sipped on my smoothie. I took a long pause and though about it.

“Uh..Baby Gap. I think, that’s the only baby store I can think of right now.” I replied as I looked in the stores we passed.

“You sure? It’s some other good stores for their clothes I think.” He looked scared of going to that store.

“But that’s where I want to go. Is something wrong with it?” I asked while looked over at him.

“No, I guess that is where we going.” He gave me smirk. I laughed and looked down at the twins, who were looking up at the toys hanging from their car seat.

The closer we got to the store, the slower and slower Dontae walked. I assumed he got tired because he is pushing a stroller, but I walked faster than that when I push the stroller and I’m pregnant. We finally walked in there and was greeted by a nice girl. She seem like she was 16 and her gray eyes stood out.

“Hello, Welcome to Baby Gap! If you need anything let me know.” She smiled at us.

“Hello, thank you sweetie.” I replied as I walked in heading directly towards the girls section. I saw two cute pink dresses with the matching bow headbands.

“Isn’t this cute, hun?” I asked as I held the dresses up. He didn’t even look at them he was so busy on his blackberry.

“Yeah, they adorable.” He mumbled. I threw a teddy bear at his head to get his attention. “Dang ma, they are cute though.”

“That’s more like it.” I laughed as I went back looking through the rack.

“Hey Dontae, When you get out the hospital?” A voice floated from behind me. I turned around to see Leila. Oh heck no, I know she see me. Why is she talking to my man? I took a deep breath, and continued looking.

“Hey La, I got out this morning. How you know I was in the hospital?” He asked her as he turned around and looked at her.

“You know I keep my tabs on you.” She laughed. “How is DJ doing? I would love to see him now.” She touched his arm. I know they are not flirting right in front of me.

“Haha, I bet. He is doing well. Little man getting big now, I can’t believe he is about to be 4.” He shook his head with a smile on his face.

“I know right, It seems like yesterday I just had him.” She looked over at me. “I guess you getting ready to have another one? Or it’s not yours?”

“Yeah, I’m about to have my girl. So what you doing here?” He asked her trying to change the subject off me.

“You know I work here. What you doing later on tonight?” she whispered.

“You know me, I’m chillin.” He said rubbing his chin.

“How about me and you do something?” she whispered even softer.

“Alright, we will see.” He replied as she walked away. He watched as her hips swayed with her walk. I could slap the sexiness off him. I knew he felt me staring at the back of his head. I went and paid for the dresses, while he still was staring at her. I took a deep breath, grabbed my keys from out my purse. I grabbed the stroller from up under him, which startled him. I walked out the store with him on my heels.

“Erika, Slow down. What’s wrong?” He called out from behind me.

“Leave me the fuck alone Dontae. I’m really done this time. I will text you when the baby comes.” I started to walk even faster. He didn’t fully catch me till I got to the car. I quickly grabbed the bag and diaper bag and put it on the floor between the two babies. I picked up the first car seat and strapped it in. I pushed the stroller to the other side of the car and put in the other one. I folded up the stroller and put it the trunk. Dontae just stood there and watched me.

“What I do now?” He asked. I gave him a look.

“How about flirt with the same person, who broke us up the first time, In front of my face. You think that you can talk and fuck whoever you want cause you a man huh? But shit don’t work like that. I’m tired of putting up with this.” I closed the driver’s door and locked the rest of them. I drove off leaving Dontae standing in the park space.

“I know but it has not always been like this. I love him so much.” I sat Indian style on my bed while Kia and Jessica laid across it. The sun was rising, it have seem Dontae since yesterday afternoon.

“Love should have bought his ass home last night.” Jessica yelled as she stared at me. “Give me another excuse?” Her and Kia sat up and looked at me dead in my eyes.

“I really don’t know!” I screamed. “It did not use to be like this. You know what I don’t have to explain the love to my boyfriend to you two.” I crossed my eyes and rolled my arms.

“That’s your problem. You changed you never use to be like this.” Kia whispered to me. I slowly got up, expose my stomach, rubbing the baby that was kicking.

“How did I change? You tell me, since you seem to know me better than I know myself. I been keeping it real since the 6^th grade.” I paced the floor.

“You didn’t let dudes play you. You can have any guy in the world, but you are settling. Why do you want a guy that’s cheating on you? Is it that good? I know that you never had a serious relationship but Dontae but get over him. It’s obvious that he don’t appreciate you.” Kia stood up and looked at me. I kept moving to avoid eye contact.

“I know. Love makes you do crazy things. I’m not giving up on him. Which dude wants a pregnant girl with twins? Nobody, so I guess I have to settle. I been with a guy my whole life, I can’t handle being by myself.” Tears started forming in my eyes.

“Sweetie it will be ok. Don’t cry. You have to look your best a DJ’s party at 2. We can’t have red puffy eyes.” Jessica said moving my hair back and pulling me into a hug.

“I spend too many tears on him anyway.” I wiped the tears from my eyes. “You think Dontae will be at the party?”

“He better, it’s his son.” Kia and Jessica said together. I laughed.

“I hope so.” I gave my two best friends a hug. They the ones who help me through tough situations, I guess they are like my back bone. I needed them more than they could ever fathom. 

Track One: Countdown

This didn't take too long did it? Well this is not about Dontae and Erika. It's something I wrote during my little break. Tell me how you like it.. I might even finish this. It's called Finding Me: The Tale of Two Lost Hearts. <3 long right?

Shayna

The bell starting ringing, I walked in my homeroom class. “You’re Late, Ms. Johnson.” My homeroom teacher Ms. Dillard screamed at me. “Oh well, sue me.” I replied, I flipped my hair and sat down in my seat. In homeroom, I normally sit in the back, right corner of the class with Michelle, Tanya and my closest friend of them all, China. I kicked my leg over the desk and waited for the announcements to play. “You ready for try-outs?” China whispered to me. “Yeah, the new girls might as well get ready. Try-outs this year about to be hard, this captain does not play.” I popped me gum. China giggled. At 16, I was the captain of the school’s dance line. The only Junior to be on the squad since 8^th grade. China is my co-captain and the rest of my girls are just on the line. “Shay, Look there goes your undercover boo.” Tanya pointed me in the direction of him. It was Trey, even though we went out 2 years ago. It’s just something about him that makes me still want more. Maybe it’s light brown eyes or the way he licks his lips. Trey is a 6’3 caramel mountain that I want to climb any day. “Pick up ya jaw, Shayna.” Marcus whispered from behind me. “That’s not a good look on you.” He continued. “Shut up, Marcus. I know a something that would good on you, a bag on your face. It might hide your crocked, chipped tooth.” I turned around and screamed at him. I drew a little too much attention to me, I always have a lot but this is the most, I had in a couple years. “Ms. Johnson, don’t interrupt my class anymore. Next time it is the principal office.” Ms. Dillard yelled back at me. “Whatever.” I popped my lips and returned staring a Trey. His eyes were fixed on me as well. He smiled and licked his lips. I waved in return. Why did I ever break up with him? Oh, I had to do what I had to do. I jotted down my homework from the sideboard and put my notebook back in my purse. I stared at the clock. Why is it not moving? I sat back in my chair and slid down? “Did you get your homecoming dress yet?” China said as she yawned. “Nope, I get paid today. But I might can’t get a you know.” I rolled my eyes and went to stare at clock. 1 minute. “You know my mom love to help you.” China rubbed my arm as the bell ring. I was the first one out of class and in the hallway. Good thing my locker is close. I hurried up in put my combination in and changed notebooks out. “Why was you staring at me? Shay Shay, you can’t speak now? I thought we were cool.” Trey said while he stood behind me. One hand on my locker door, the other holding his book bag.  “You could speak too. Hold this.” I slowly bent down to get a textbook, a little too seductively. I knew he was behind me, I just wanted him to know I still got it. I handed him my textbook and closed my locker. And we started to walk back to the pack hallway.

“So, I know you going to homecoming. The question is who you going with?” Trey asked as we walked down the hallway to his locker. “Actually, I don’t know if I’m going.” I replied as I shrugged my shoulder. I went in my back pocket and pulled out my phone and replied to a girl on dance line text. I looked up and saw Trey’s eyes glued to my phone. “Stop phone peeking, nigga.” I giggled. “Oh my bad, I want to make sure it wasn’t another nigga. But what? The captain of the dance line not going to homecoming. You know you have to show the ratchet hoes how to dance. But I’m going I think about asking Michelle.” He said, the end part more like a mumble though. “Who? My Michelle?” I said looking up at him as he put his bag in locker. “Yeah, she kinda cute and she look DTF.” He replied. “Oh. I hope you have fun.” I said coldly. “What’s up with all this? I know Shayna René Johnson ain’t catching feelings.” He put his hands up and walked backwards. “Shut up. I will talk to you later.” I said as I turned around in my stiletto and walked to my next class. I know Trey is playing with me, we both still have feelings for each other. What we had, you cannot forget. From 7^th grade to the beginning of 9^th grade, we were inseparable. We did everything you could imagine. He was my first everything and I was his. He gave me one of the best gifts in my life even though he doesn’t know what it is. I sat down in my Pre-Cal class and sunk down in my seat. I had nobody with me in class but Day. Day or Dashawn is my current boyfriend. He is the captain of the football team. He is nice and sweet. We only been going out for a month and he wants to take things slow. “Hey baby, you in class early.” Day sat down beside me and kissed me on my forehead. “Yeah, I have a lot on my mind. Try- outs start today and this is my first one as captain. And I have to think of a dance for the pep-rally and homecoming game.” I said as I placed my head in my hands. He reached over and kissed me on the cheek. Maybe I do have too much on my plate and need to slow down. With my honors workload and drama going on at home, plus I have to be involved in school activities, I need a break.

The rest of my school day went by fast and it was in a blur until Try Outs. I stood there in my 5 inch stilettos and stared at a group of 50 girls who think they can be on my line. I walked slowly looking in each one face, my cane clicking against the gym floor. My black leotard and legwarmer hugged my body. I had 2 spots I need to fill, it might be 3 if Michelle goes with Trey. “Ok, this first part is not that long. I have shit to do so be on point. If you can’t do this, you can leave.” I pointed to China who did a simple 4 count with a toe-touch and ended in a spilt. One person walked out the door, me and China waved bye. “Or if you can’t do this.” Tanya started in a simple chair dance, then rolled down on the floor and did a handstand. 3 people left, while me and Tanya blew kisses. Michelle was standing there waiting on her time to shine but I skipped over her and went to the dance part. “Well, I guess you think you the shit then. I will be the judge of that. I will do this step only twice, so pay attention.” I screamed as I threw my cane to China, who sat it down on my gym bag. I did a simple 8 count that messes with your footwork. I ended in a body roll. I went to pick up my cane and drink a sip of Gatorade. I watch as the girls try to repeat the steps the failed miserly. At the end of this session of try-outs we were down to 35 girls. “Well, congrats ladies, you made the first cut. Tomorrow come back with your game face on because this was the easy part.” I yelled across the gym. I picked up my gym bag, purse and keys and walked out the double doors into the student parking lot. “Them girls scared.” China laughed as we walked out the door. She went into her white Mercedes while I went in my Ford Focus. Even though I really don’t know my dad, he came through on my 16^th birthday. “Yep, they better recognize Hurricane Shay aint one to mess with.” I waved at my best friend and drove off to this busy Main Street. I rolled all the windows down and blasted Beyoncé’s Countdown.

The Ride

Miss me? I know I haven't posted since like December 2011 but school has been time consuming. But the good thing is I have some chapters ready. =) Oh, Happy New Year, i know it's like 3 months in the new year but better late than never. Ok, I'm done talking. Enjoy and Comment. <3

“Damn I look good and cant nobody freak it like I could, Yea OK I got a little fat but, My shorty told me that he like it like that, I'm happy, Another nigga never can't be” The alarm clock blared from the speakers. The sun was shining directly in window, I stood up from the bed and put on my slipper to walk and open the blinds. I looked out the window to the neighborhood I called home, the suburbs. Families walking down the sidewalk and older people sitting on the porch watching the gardener manicure their yard. I felt happy for once, and relaxed. My door cracked open and a familiar arm was gripped around my waist.

“Hey Sexy Mama.” Dontae whispered in my ear and kissed my neck. I turned around and faced him.

“Hey bae, what you doing here?” I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“You know how I do. Naa, you were supposed to came and got me an hour ago but I can see you over slept. So I call the house and Kia came and picked a nigga up.” He licked his lips. “I didn’t know they made maternity lingerie.” He chuckled. I threw daggers at him with my eyes.

“See you know what, this is not even maternity, it’s plus size. You know them big girls be fresh too. And this is not sexy, it’s a boring t-shirt.” I looked down at myself as far as I could. I did a quick spin.

“Plus Size? Baby, you need to hurry up and have this baby. I want my perfect size back. But that look like lingerie when you standing in that window. I see all your little goodies right through it.” He came closer to me and put me in his embrace. I inhaled his scent.

“You so silly boy. I’m glad your home.” He moved my big, wavy poof of hair out the way and kissed my neck.

“I’m glad to be home. I love you Erika.” He spoke directly in my eyes. That warmed my heart.

“I love you too.” I said softly. He lifted my chin up and his lips touched mine. I sucked on his bottom lip as he sucked on mine. With every kiss the more passionate it got. He slowly made our way to bed. He started taking off his shirt and sliding off his sweatpants. As more pieces of clothing hit the ground, the more I felt uncomfortable. I pushed his lips from off of mine.

“What’s wrong?” He moaned.

“I can’t do this.” I shook my head. “It’s like we are rushing it. I don’t feel like this is the right place and time.” I picked up his shirt and sweatpants and handed to him. “I think you should go up to your room.” I attempted to get off the bed. But he held me down.

“This is my room. But we don’t have to do anything right now. Let’s just cuddle and enjoy each other’s company. I just was to smell the scent of hair. I want to see how your face lights up and your dimple show when you laughing. I want to see your nose scrunch up when you get mad or hear something nasty. And mostly I want to see you bite your bottom lip. I know you want something then.” He sat back down beside me as he held my hand. After multiple tries of me getting comfortable we ended up in the perfect cuddle.

“Tell me the story about the first time you saw me.” I whispered to him as my eyes wandered around the ceiling.

“I told you this story about 10 times already. You need a new story.” He laughed as I turned to him and popped out my lip.

“I want to hear it again. Maybe this time I will add my point of view. You never heard that.” I gave him a sweet smile exposing my dimple.

“Last time.” I kissed his cheek and turned back around. He started telling the story. “Alright, so it all started after 4^th period. I had gym and I was chillin by the locker room. Then the nigga Trey was like ‘Tae, look at them girls right there. They got future baby mama written all over them.’ I looked up and saw you with two other girls, Kia and Julissa. I remember what you had on, It was some tight black jeans, a shirt that say ‘No Money, No Job, No Luck’ and you had on some black and white 13’s. I looked at you walking and smiling not even looking at my way. Trey was like, “The middle one is bad, and the one on the left.”  I replied “The middle one mine homey.” The rest of that period, I was hype. I was going to go look for you. I saw you sitting in the library by yourself. So I approached you and was like ‘Sup ma?’ You scrunched your nose up and responded ‘Hi.’ Then you got up and walked away. At the moment, I knew I had to work for you. I had a girl and everything but she won’t like you. The next time I saw you, you saw standing beside your old Lexus. It was some dude in your face, yelling and shit and you were just sitting their crying. Then when he left, I saw you sitting in your car just crying. I had to come and talk to you; your voice was so sweet and innocent then. Even with the tears in your eyes, I saw your beauty shine through your eyes. I asked you what grade you were in and you said sophomore, I was shocked. I was a senior and this little sophomore had me whipped. Then the more we talked sitting in your car, the more I wanted to keep the smile on your face. I had to have you. And I guess my planned work.” He kissed my neck. “Now, let me hear what you got to say.”

“Ok, mines not as good as yours though.” I took a deep breath. “Well, I was skipping 4^th period I was supposed to be in Science. Julissa wanted to go by the gym because she was talking to your friend Zach I think then. And it was a lot of drama and she wanted to see him and all this bull. I remember walking pass yall and see you in the corner of my eye. I was like ‘papi got it going on,’ in my head. Then I started to think what a senior wants with a sophomore. So I kind of relaxed all my thoughts of you. When I was in the library, I saw you come up to me. I was like what in the world to this nigga want. You came and spoke, I didn’t know what to say to you so I just walked away. I wasn’t that good in talking to boys. All the boyfriends I had before you, just forcefully asked me out. And that’s what you saw. That boy’s name was Nick. We talked for like a week, he was mad I wouldn’t have sex with him. So he cussed me out. My emotional tail just sat there and cried. Then when he left and I saw you, I thought you was my knight in shining armor. At that very moment, I fell in love with you, I never stopped.” I chuckled. “I guess Trey was right when he said I got baby mama written all over me.”

“Yeah, he was. I wish I can call him and tell him. We lost contact after high school.” He laughed as he rubbed my stomach.

“He knows. He and Julissa got together. She is 8 months pregnant. I still talk to her. They supposed to get married after the baby comes. I would have never thought them two fools would end up together.” We both laughed.

“I need to hit that nigga up one day.” He replied.

“He will be at DJ’s party. Trey better come with Julissa. I invited both of them.” I turned off my side to my back. I found the remote beside me and turned on the television. “Oh, this is my show.” I smiled ear to ear while Dontae frowned up at the television.

“Yo Gabba Gabba? Oh hell no. We bout to watch some sports center up in here.” He grabbed the remote from my hand and turned it to ESPN. I reached to grabbed the remote and turned back to PBS kids. I placed the remote on my left side where he can’t reach. He got on top of me hold his weight up with his arm. I stared deep into his eyes while he stared at mine.  I was breathing a little too fast from laughing and moving. He started move closer and closer to my face, his breath smelled peppermint. His lips graced mine and his tongue touched my lips causing my lips to open letting it in. He placed one of his under my chin and I placed both of my arms around his neck. The more passionate our kiss got, he changed positions. He laid beside me as his hands started to roam my body. He lifted up my shirt, exposing my huge stomach and my boobs. His lips move down towards his nipples, causing me to let out a soft moan. I forgot when you’re pregnant you reach an orgasm faster. I quickly pushed him away again.

“I’m sorry bae. I was caught in the moment.” He propped his head up with his elbows. I rubbed his face with the back of my hand.

“It’s ok. I don’t want to rush it. I’m still not over what happen earlier. I know it was a couple months ago but I feel like yesterday.” I rolled my eyes and started to get up.

“Is that your excuse? After all we been through, you still can’t fully commit to me again. You all I got. You was the only one there when I was in hospital. What can I do to prove to you I’m fully here?” I stood up and stared at him.

“Just give me time.” I shook my head and went to the bathroom.

“Time, that’s all? See if you don’t wanna be with me, let me know. I don’t want to pressure you.” He yelled from in the room, I slowly walk back to where he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“That’s funny. Last time I remember, you were the one cheating. I was the one dumbfound. I just don’t want to put my guard down just yet. And if you think about leaving me while I’m pregnant with your child, you got another thing coming. I’m not a stupid, little immature girl. You will pay me child support. So don’t even go that route.” I laughed at my anger. Dontae got up and stood in my face and look down at me.

“Mane, go somewhere with all that. I will be back later.” He turned and slammed the door behind him. I took a deep breath and went back to the bathroom. I turned on the shower and all my thoughts came rushing back to my head.

‘This is who I want to spend the rest of my life with? Why do I keep aggravating him? I want my baby to have a happy family, in order for this to happen I need to change myself. It’s my entire fault that he doesn’t want to be with me.’

I got out the shower in went back into my room. I quickly got dress; I wanted to see my twins. I walked out my room, next door to where the twins were just starting to wake up. I peeped over at Krystal first who was laughing and playing with her feet. I picked her up and went to the changing table. I quickly changed her and got her clean and put her on a nice dress. I put her in the swing, while I moved on to Kristen. She was starting to whine a little bit. I picked her up and repeated the same thing I did to Krystal. As I put Kristen in the swing, I sat down in front of the swings staring at them.

“I wish you two could talk and walk already.” I played with their toes. “Where should we go today? I was thinking of the mall. I need to buy you two a new outfit for DJ’s party tomorrow.” They both started to laugh showing their toothless smile. I laughed along with them. I got up and picked up both twins and carried them into living room. I sat the down on the play mat as I went to the kitchen to get some cereal. I sat back down on the sofa.

“Kia or Jessica? Who wants to go to the mall?” I screamed up the steps. Nobody answered. “Hello, anybody up there?” I screamed again.

“They took DJ to Chuck E Chesse, It’s just me and you.” Dontae said as he came down the steps.

“Oh, I thought you were gone.” I placed my bowl on the table. He came and sat down beside me.

“Why would you think that?” He gave me a curious look; I just looked down at the twins crawling around. “They are getting big now.” I laughed.

“Yeah, they are busy for their age. They already crawling and trying to pull up.” I felt him glance over at me.

“So, what about this mall thing? I want to go.” I gave him a side eye.

“Alright, get the stroller from the closet over there and put it in the car. And get the car seats from out their room.” I said as I got up and put my bowl in the dishwasher.

“Yes, sir Master.” He said in an old slave accent. I laughed.

“Boy shut up.” I went back to where the twins were sitting up laughing along with me. Their dimples, just like mine, were showing. I think they look just like me. I grabbed their car seats, which Dontae placed on the couch and strapped them in. They was content playing with their feet, I walked back into their room to get the diaper bag. I think Jessica or Kia knew I wanted to go out today, they bag was already packed all I need was the bottles. I carried the diaper bag back to the living room, and fixed the bottles. Once I done all that, Dontae was already putting the twins in the car. I grabbed my purse and the diaper bag and was out the door.

Love After War

You miss me? Sorry it took so long. I had this ready for a while but I have been a little lazy bum. I love you guys for reading this and being apart of my imagination. Well, This will be that last time for a while. =/ But still Comment and Enjoy. <3

Normal people like the rain, it soothing to them. But rain keeps me awake all night. The thundering, lightening, hail and strong winds kept me from my bed. Everybody else in the house was sleep but me. I would have cleaned but I can’t really bend down to see my ankles. I thought television might work but nothing interesting is on tv. I sat up in the middle of my bed with my body pillow , until my phone rung.

“Hello?” I whispered into the receiver.

“You can’t sleep either. I bet you sitting up in the bed bored.” Dontae chuckled.

“You know me to well. Why you calling me this late?” I laid the phone beside me.

“Because I’m so use to when it rains getting up with you. Watching you cook me something or bouncing on the bed. I’m so use to you laying on chest and holding me tight during the loud thunder noises.” I looked down at my phone.

“Yeah, good times. But anyway I missed you so much.” I said trying to change the subject.

“Oh, For real? How much you missed me?” I can hear in voice he was smiling.

“When you come home you will find out.” I laughed.

“Well let me get ready to come home then. But if you won’t pregnant we could have some real fun.” I replied.

“We can have fun now. I got a good 3 months left and all you got to is be gentle.  And after the baby you not getting any of awhile. You scared or something?” I spoke in my cocky tone.

“Naw I’m never that. You just be prepared when daddy comes home, it’s going down. What you got on?” he spoke in a sensual tone.

“I got nothing but my t-shirt and my panties on. Waiting for you.” I sung in the phone.

“Mmm. Well that sounds nice. I got my hospital gown on and some boxers I been wearing forever.” He laughed.

“That sounds nasty. I might not wanna do nothing with you. Will shower sex work because I’m gonna need to clean you.” I frowned up at the phone.

“See that’s how you got in trouble. Shower Sex, is what got you pregnant.” He replied.

“No, you what got me pregnant. What happen to imma pull out?” I started to laugh.

“I did pull out. I’m not in you now aren’t i?” This is what I miss about us our conversations.

“Kinda you are. See all this talk about sex is getting me horny.” I breathed into the phone.

“I’m sorry baby. Daddy loves you. I can’t wait till you sing on my microphone. I saw the video on MTV a few hours ago. Y’all blowing up.” I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, but nobody recognize me. But I have an interview with Sway next week. And I don’t wanna sing on your microphone, but you can eat something.” I giggled.

“Cool, as long as you mention me as your number one fan and your future hubby. You already know I’m gonna eat something. It’s mine anyway and that is the best tasting kool-aid ever. Mmm, how many days till I come home?” he replied.

“You got like 2 more days. You not eating my kool-aid, I’m saving it for my husband.” I laughed.

“Well excuse me. I got you though.”

“Yeah you do, I’m sleepy. I will see you later on today.” I yawned.

“Alright, bye. I love you stinky.” He sent me a kiss through the phone.

“I love you too big head. And eww that kiss sounded nasty.” I sent him a little kiss then hung up.

I held the phone close to my chest. I had the biggest grin on my face the little girl in me was showing. After that conversation the seemed to cease and I fell back asleep. But woke up to a three-ring circus.

“Mommy! Mommy! Are you sleeping?” DJ lifted my eyelids up.

“Not anymore, what you want?” I forced myself to get up.

“I was wondering could we go to Toys-R-Us?” he gave me the puppy dog eyes that I was weak for.

“Couldn’t you wait till I got up to ask me this but sure. Give me an hour to get ready.” I sat on the edge of the bed and played with DJ’s fat cheeks.

“Why are you so adorable?” I asked him while I pinched his cheeks.

“Because my daddy made me this way.” He gave me a fake smile and left the room.

I laid back on the bed for a couple of minutes before I decided to get dressed. I went into the bathroom, dropped all my pjs and stared at myself. I looked huge; I couldn’t wait for the baby to come so my shape can be back. I entered the shower and relaxed, it felt like I only got an hour of sleep. Once my shower was over I did all that good stuff and put on a pink dress with a black leather jacket over top of it and my black flats. My hair was in a curly, body look. I was ready to go. I put my purse in the car and waited for DJ. He came out 5 minutes after I did. He went in the back seat and sat in his booster seat looking adorable.

“You ready to go, honeybunch?” I asked him looking in the rearview mirror. He nodded his head and I took off out the driveway.

Pulling up in Toys-R-Us made me contemplate on even coming in there. I pushed a basket down every aisle wonder on what I should get. But DJ already had what he wanted.

“Mommy, I want some Wii games.” He went to the cabinet that held all the games and pointed to 5 he wanted.

“That’s all you want?” I asked him as I pulled out the games he wanted.

“No, I want a bike and some cars.” He said taking off to the back of the store.

“DJ, Let your daddy get you a bike, I don’t know how to pick them out. But we can get the little racing cars or the motorized cars.” He lifted his shoulder like ‘whatever’. I ended up buying him a pack of the little cars and 3 remote cars. He was happy. But I wanted to get some stuff for the girls. I held up a t-shirt that said ‘My mommy is a bigger brat than me’ I laughed at it.

“DJ, isn’t this a cute shirt for your little sister?” He came and looked at.

“It is too small for Tal and Ten.” He went back to walking beside the basket.

“I know it is for your sister in my stomach.” I said looking at him.

“It’s a girl? Oh man, I wanted a boy.” I laughed at his facial expression.

“Well, maybe you will have a little brother later, but yes I’m having a girl.” I put the shirt in the basket as well as a lot of other shirts and bibs and outfits for Krystal and Kristen as well as the new baby. We finally went to check out. The lady thought I was crazy buying all this stuff.

“Your total is $283.94. Will that be debit or credit?” The lady asked me with an attitude.

“It’s credit.” I handed her my black card and her eyes got big. “You ain’t never seen one of them, huh?” I laughed and put the bags back in the basket.

“How you get a black card? You only got one song out. It’s hot but dang.” I turned and looked at her.

“How you know I got a song out?” I asked as I signed the receipt, getting my card back.

“Everybody knows that song. I didn’t recognize you at first because you was like little in the video. But now you are pregnant. And I didn’t know you and Mello had kids.” She popped her gum and waited for my response. 

“Well, I was pregnant when I shot the video, I was just not showing. And this is not Mello son or kids. Me and Mello is not a couple. Why did you assume that?” I asked her.

“Well in an interview. Mello said that you two were together one point of time and he got you pregnant.” I rolled my eyes and pushed the basket back to my car. Why would he lie? Hollywood is changing to many folks.

“DJ you wanna go see your daddy?” I asked him as I pressed the alarm.

“Yay! Then I can tell daddy about all the stuff we brought!” DJ jumped in the car and was ready to go.

“I guess you don’t love me anymore, you want your daddy.” I laughed and handed him a piece of my Kit-Kat bar that I was eating.

Good thing the hospital was not far from the store because I was tired. We walked out the elevator in front of his room. I took a deep breath like always. I thought that he would be worse than I left him before. DJ hung on to my hand until we open the door. Dontae was sleep so we quietly walked in and sat down and stared at him. I guess DJ wanted him up so he went and punched him in the arm and I laughed. I saw Dontae’s eye open.

“Hey when you two get here?” he mumbled.

“We just walked in. How are you feeling?” I asked as I stood up and walked beside his bed.

“I’m good, ready to get out of here. But you could have warned me you was coming, I could have brushed my teeth and did something.” He ran his hands through his hair. I laughed.

“You good baby.” I bend down and kissed his forehead. He sat up so he could reach my lips. He sucked on my bottom lip as I sucked on his. When we pulled apart, I started to giggle.

“What’s funny, shawty?” he asked me as I went to sit down.

“You was right, I think you need a mint or something.” I gave an innocent smile as he checks his breath.

“So Daddy are you excited?” DJ budded in our conversation.

“Excited about what, mini-me” Dontae picked him up and sat him beside him. Why do them two look just alike?

“About my little sister.” DJ blurted out. Dontae gave a strange look.

“You already have your little sisters, Krystal and Kristen.” He told DJ, rubbing his head.

“No, the one in mommy’s stomach.” I covered my mouth. Dang, DJ ruined my surprise.

“So, Erika, It’s a girl?” Dontae looked up at me with a smile. I nodded my head.

“Surprise!” I shouted. This was not how I imagined telling him but I guess this will work.

“I guess I know how to make girls now. Come here.” Dontae said. I sat in my chair a little while longer before I got up. He kissed my nose.

“I think that’s enough of this kisses. I don’t want the cooties. All boys have cooties.” I said in my little girl voice. He laughed.

“Well you been done had the cooties. So what are we doing tomorrow?” He asked me as I sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I’m going to stay home and sleep. I need to check something for DJ’s party. Oh, and I have to go to the studio.” I played with my fingers.

“So, you are not going to pick me up. I come home tomorrow, you forgot?” I gave me the death glare and my mouth dropped.

“I’m sorry baby.” I kissed his forehead. “I will send Kia to come pick you up! I’m just playing, when you call me I will stop and come get you.” I got up and walked to my purse to find a granola bar.

“You better. And dang, why you so hungry?” I turned and stared at me with my hazel eyes in slits.

“I’m eating for two! And I’m just fat. I need to make a call I will be back.” I grabbed my phone and walked down to the waiting area. I sat down on what I like to call a ‘love seat’. I scrolled down my twitter timeline first, laughing at the people I follow. I went to my contacts and found Mello’s number I placed my finger on it contemplating should I call him. I took a deep breath and finally pressed his name.

‘What’s up little ma?’ Mello answered the phone hype. I heard loud music playing in the background.

‘You tell me what’s up.’ I rolled my eyes.

‘What you mean? What’s wrong with you?’ I can hear his voice getting higher.

‘Why you going to tell people we a couple. And that my kids are yours. We both know that is a lie. People have been telling me that “You and Mello are banging”. They all said they heard it from you. I have an interview with Sway next week, my family and fiancé is going to be there and I don’t feel like cleaning up your shit.’ I practically screamed in the phone.

“Imma need you to chill with that. They must have twisted my word cause I aint say nothing like.” He stuttered.

“Now, Why you lying? It was a damn video interview. I saw ya ass on YouTube. See I can’t deal with you right now.” I pressed the end button.

How could my day go from a nice day to hell? What did I do wrong to deserve all this? It’s like I take one step forward then I get pushed ten steps back? I wish my life could be simple like when I was in middle school, the only problem was my mom’s crack addiction but anybody didn’t know. That where I met Kia, the only person I can truly trust. I wish I didn’t have to go through all this. I put my face in my hands and wiped away the tear that was falling from the thoughts in my head. I stood up and went down to the cafeteria. I sat down at a table by myself, frequently people walked by and asked ‘you okay?’ ‘you going in labor?’ or ‘what happened?’. Each time I gave the person a fake smile and a even faker answer, ‘I’m fine’. The longer I sat there the more and more I hated myself. I played ‘Save Me’ by Nicki Minaj as I went back up to the room.

“Where you been? You have been gone for a good 2 hours, you alright ma?” Dontae asked as soon as I placed my foot in the door. I simply nodded to him. “Come on Baby, be honest, what’s wrong?”

“I really don’t know.” I stood by his bed with my phone in one hand and holding my stomach in the other. I felt a thud against my hand. I smile quickly appeared on my face and left as quickly as it came.

“It kicked huh?” Dontae placed his hand over mine. The baby kicked again. I guess she knew that I was upset and knowing she is ok would make me feel better. In the middle of my moment, I saw a person that looked like my mom standing in the window of the door.

“Look.” I whispered to Dontae as I pointed slightly at the door. “Why is she here?” I quickly backed away from the door.

“Maybe she needs to talk to you. Hell if I know.” He gave me smile that turned back into a serious face. “Go out there and talk to her.”

“No!” I replied as I crossed my arms and sat back in the chair like a little kid that doesn’t get their way. I stared at the door.

“Man, stop being such a baby. I already got 2, I don’t need another one to act like they 3.” He got up and walked to me and attempted to pull me up. “Dang, I need to go to the gym. You kind of solid now, I need my little ride-or-die chick back.” I stood up and stared at him. My head was at his chest, but when I looked up and he looked down, we looked eye to eye. He kissed my forehead and smacked my butt, which has gotten way bigger. “Go ahead and talk to your mom. Talk loud so I can hear you.” I gave him a silly face and went out to talk to my mom.

“Erika, baby how are you?” She tried to hug me but I moved away. “Um, I see you are getting bigger. And looking prettier by the day.” She rubbed her arm as she talked. She had on dingy clothing that contains a white tee, wide-leg jeans and k-Swiss. Her hair that was always hanging down and curly was in a simple bun on her head.

“What you want Chrissy?” I spoke very blunt and full of attitude.

“I needed to see you. I’m sorry for everything. If it won’t for me, you would be in college. How are my babies doing?” She stuttered. I rolled my eyes and showed her a picture of MY babies.

“My babies are doing good. But as if you care. Why are you here?” I pulled my phone back and crossed my arms across my huge stomach.

“Erika, I was wondering,” She drew circles with feet. “Can I borrow a hundred dollars? I know you have it. I will give it back to you will I get myself together. I’m trying to do better, I miss my kids and I miss you.” I chuckled.

“I knew you wanted money, And what you mean ‘your kids’? Last time I checked you left your babies at the hospital at not even a day old. Just for the record im not going to give you shit. I’m don’t support crack heads. Do like you been doing, selling your body for a quick fix.  You thought I didn’t know, you forgot who you was messing with. And I have to go, I don’t have time for this.” I did a quick hair flip and turned around and walked back in the room. Leaving my mom standing there looking stupid.

“I need to get out of Virginia.” I screamed as I walked in. “I’m tired of all this shit. You need to hurry up and get well, we are going to Miami before this baby come. I need a break.” I flopped down in the chair. My chest was moving very fast because I was mad and tired.

“Cool, we can go. Tell Jessica to book the flight and we can leave next week. I don’t know how much fun we going to have. Your pregnant and got two babies, but it is worth giving a try.” He was being sarcastic.

“I’m so serious. You don’t have to go if you don’t want too. I can just hang out with Kia and Jeremy, My dad and Jessica. I will be all by myself with the twins. Since I’m a big fat loner, I have nobody that loves me right now. But when the baby comes and I get my shape back, he gonna be right back on it. But I’m going to say no and find me a Rapper or NBA player.” I squinted my eyes.

“See you take stuff to seriously. You know I ain’t going nowhere. You bout to have papers on me.” He chuckled.

“Yeaa. I was thinking about that. I want a beautiful outside wedding. I was thinking in October, it’s not to hot or cold yet. I give you more details later. But back to Miami, I want to get away for a little bit.” I gave him the puppy dog eyes.

“Don’t give me that look, yo! You know where ever you go I’m going to follow. So, go ahead and make arrangements.” I wobbled off the chair and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

“Good Boy! Now you can get your surprise tomorrow night.” I sat down at the edge of the bed. “But now me and DJ have to go. It’s time for our naps and I still have to read the questions for Sway. I already know it’s going to be some problems.” I played with my nails, which I needed a fill.

“Yeah, people in that business is crazy. But you asked for it. But I will holler at you later, shawty.” He put his nose against mine and rubbed it together. DJ came in stood in front of me. “See you later, lil man.” We walked out the door, and out into the real world.

“Jes, you are never going to guess what happen to me at the hospital.” I laid on the couch biting a cooking.

“What you had sex? You little nasty! No, DJ was with you. So I’m out of guesses.” Jessica sat back in the chair. Her bangles dangled as she moved. Her pink dress and black sandals made her look like a movie star but all she does is sitting in the house.

“That crack head showed up.” I rolled my eyes and stared a Jessica.

“How she know you were there?” She shifted in her sit.

“That’s what I’m like. She must have been following me.” I drifted away from the conversation. I sat there and looked at the beige wall, as if it had the answers to all my problems. I laid my head in my hands, Life is becoming too much to process. 

Only U

Helllloooo! =) I hope you didn't want to long. That cliffy won't that bad though. Well, Enjoy and Comment. <3

Is it wrong to think that he’s dead and actually happy? I don’t care if I have to raise my baby by myself, I just don’t want to put up with his cheating ass. Maybe if we was perfect little couple like we appear to the outside were, than I would be crying my heart out but I just want to laugh.

“No, He is in critical condition. Kia has the babies, we need to bring DJ.” She said I ran upstairs to where DJ was sleeping and came back to where I was standing in a state of shock. We got in the car, I knew Jessica was doing a good 80 mph because we arrived at the hospital in 5 minutes. We ran to the the registration desk.

“I need to see Dontae Campbell.” I told the lady.

“Umm. He is in room, 326. But you have to be family to go see him.” The lady said with an attitude.

“We are family, I am his fiancé and this is his son. And that’s my twin.” She popped her lips and then handed us some visitor’s passes. We got into the elevator. My mind was thinking the worst. I hated him at this moment but the love will always out shadow that, I hope. We arrive to the hospital room, his doctor greeted us at the door.

“Hello ma’am. You must be Erika.” He shook my hand.

“Yes, how do you know?” I asked curiously. I don’t go to the hospital a lot or I’m not where a name plate.

“Well the EMT said when they was putting him on the stretcher he was calling your name. They found your number in his phone. And before I forget,” The doctor walked to the nurse’s station. “Here is his wallet and phone.” I took it and put it in my purse.

“So how is he doing?” I said holding Jessica hand while DJ lay on my leg, unaware of what is going on.

“Well he is alive. We have some broken ribs, a broken arm and his blood pressure is not that stable. For right now he is in a medical induce coma. So all we can do is wait and see.” The doctor spoke very blunt.

“So you are trying to tell me there is a chance that my baby won’t make it?” The tears were streaming down my face. I should get an Oscar, I actually thought I didn’t care. But hearing those words made my life come to a hault.

“Yes, it’s a slight possibility. But we are looking at the positive side of this.” He lay is hand on my shoulder. “Anything I can do just let me know.”

“Can we see him?” Jessica asked the doctor.

“Yes, you can see him if you like.” The doctor walked away.

“I can’t do this.” I cried out. “I can’t see him with all this tubes and stuff, just lying there. I feel so responsible for this.” I cried and starting walking away, holding DJ’s hand.

“Erika, it will be ok. It’s not your fault. It was in God’s plan for this to happen. It might even bring you two closer together.” She wiped my red, puffy eyes with her sleeve. “Go check on him.”

I built enough courage to walk into the room. The machine’s beeps and all these tubes running in him made we feel so bad. He looked so pitiful. DJ lay on my shoulder.

“What happen to daddy?” He asked me staring at his unconscious father.

“I don’t know sweetie.” I held on to him close and I starting crying over again. After seeing him the tears never seem to cease. I need to stop playing myself, I love him.

Days started to fly by. Before I knew it he was in the hospital for a week. Still no change, he hasn’t even moved a bit. His mom can’t even come see him because her only son is lying there without hope. I have been there every day. Jessica and Kia kept the twins while DJ was with his grandma. I was alone, I sat directly in front of him.

“Dontae can you hear me? I’m sorry. I feel so bad; I should have never let my temper get the best of me. If I would have never got mad and stayed with you, you wouldn’t be in that accident. Then I could be laying in your arms right now. Well the baby is doing good, it is started to kick more and more. DJ has been up here a few times, he likes to pluck the crust out your eyes. I wish you could give me a sign and tell me you are going to be alright?” I walked beside his bed and played with his hair. I would have cried but all my tears have dried.

An hour passed by, I was still playing with his hair. I looked down and his fingers and toes were moving. It scared the shit out of me. I screamed for the nurse. When she came in she checked all his machines and went to get the doctor. I sat back down in my chair to give them room to work.

“I guess his coming back. This is good thing. I say in a week he would be fully back to his normal self.” The doctor said to me. I flashed a smile. The doctor and nurse walked out of the room.

“I’m so proud of you baby. I can’t wait till you are back so I can punch you in the face for scaring me like this.” I laughed at myself. “Well I have to go, be ready when I come back, we have to start doing baby plans.” I kissed his forehead.

A week turned into 2 months. I was tired of going to the hospital. I was too big to be walking around there. Now at 5 months pregnant, I found out the sex of the baby and everything. But no one knows but me because I wanted Dontae to be the first to know. Dontae was finally fully awake; he just now remembered how to move. He has been talking for a good week now.

“So how you feeling?” I asked him as I turned around in my seat. These seat need more cushion because my ass was started hurting.

“ I feel alright. My arm just hurt a little bit. I feel like I haven’t missed that much.” He said looking at me.

“Trust me you have. I had the baby, now I’m on my second pregnancies. It’s yours; we conceived it one day while we were in here by ourselves.” I laughed.

“You play too much, so how many months are you now?” He asked me.

 “I’m only 5. I’m tired. I’m just ready for you to get well so I can take you home. The next time I want to see a hospital is when I giving birth.” I slowly got up and wobbled to where he was sitting on the edge of the bed. I stood between his legs. I gave him a passionate kiss.

“What’s that for, ma?” he asked hold my waist.

“I missed you so much. I’m glad to see your doing well. I can’t wait till you’re fully recovered.” I bit my bottom lip.

“What we going do?” His voice was full of sex.

“Let’s just say, the books were right. You do have a more frequent craving for sex. And for the last two months, you aint been fulfilling it.” I laughed.

“I love you stupid.” He said rubbing my stomach.

“I love you too.” I kissed his forehead.

“Another reason, DJ’s 4^th birthday is Saturday and I want you to be there. It’s only Tuesday so you have time.” I went back to my chair and flipped through the ‘Parenting’ Magazine I was reading.

“Dang, little dude is getting old. Man.” He lay back on the bed. I peeped over my magazine to watch him. The way his muscles and tattoos looked as he laid there brought back memories of when we were happy together. I don’t know what we are now. “What you thinking about, bae?” He asked as I went back reading my magazine.

“Oh nothing, just how cute this little babies are in this magazine.” I replied and gave him a quick smirk.

“See that’s the problem you always lying.” He threw a napkin at me. “Why can’t you tell me the truth?” I rolled my eyes and thought ‘not again’.

“See I’m not even lying. I don’t want you to get all worked up. So I’m about to go.” I grabbed my keys and purse. I slowly began to walk out the door, but an arm pulled me back. “Let go of me, Tae!” I screamed.

“No, where you going?” He placed his arms around my waist and laid his head on my stomach. He was holding me tight and I felt my shirt start getting wet. I lifted up his head to see him crying.

“What’s wrong with you?” I scrunched up my eyebrows looking at me. He just shook his head.

“Why you always trying to leave me? Can’t I spend time with my baby?” He said through his tears. I felt a sudden feeling of guilt all over me. Why do I have to be the guilty one?

“I’m sorry, but I got things to do. I been up here 4 hours already. I miss my babies.” I rubbed his little afro.

“You are coming back though?” He looked up at up with a blank expression. I nodded my head and walked out finally.

“Hey cutie!” I picked up Krystal. I haven’t spent much time with my twins and I miss them. I inhaled the baby smell, I kissed her dimple. “Mommy missed you!.” She started to Coo like she understood me. I sat her on my laps and stared into her big bright brown eyes. “Krys, I really wished you understood me.” I sighed. I picked up Kristen and held them both. Their smiles are the same, as well as their eyes. I missed my babies. “Krystal and Kristen, daddy will be home in a couple days. I know you missed his as much as I did, or I think I do. Why am I so confused? I love your daddy but all the pain he is putting me through is too much for me to handle?” They both looked at each other. “But love conquers all. But anyway yall are getting so big but when the new baby comes remember you two will always be my babies.” I kissed their cheek and laid them down. I guess all my rambling but them to sleep. I laid them in the playpen in my room and lay on my bed. Kia came in and interrupted my peace.

“Hey fat mama, what are you doing?” She came and laid on the bed and rubbed my stomach.

“Nothing, chilling. The babies just went to sleep.” I twisted my curl.

“How you put them to sleep? I’ve been trying all the day. But I came to ask you how do you feel if Jeremy moves in here with me? We having been talking for a while and I think we are getting serious. I told him I will ask you before I get a definite answer.” Kia gave me the puppy dog eyes.

“I guess so. I will mostly be downstairs anyway. But no sex in my house, unless I’m having some too. But I am not cleaning up after no grown man, I’m about to have 4 kids. And make sure he know no profane language around the kids especially DJ. It’s cool with me though. But where he going to work?” The baby started kicking.

“Ok, that all sounds good master. He is going to work for Mello. You ain’t heard? He is going to be his assistant road manager.” She popped her gum, she was proud of her man.

“Mello ain’t told me that. I’m going to punch him in throat when I go to the studio in a few. He wrote this song and I want to listen to.” I rubbed my stomach.

“Well that’s all I wanted bye.” Kia got up and walk out the room. I went to pick up my iPad, I need to write a song to release all my sexual fustrations. I listened to a beat and words started flowing.

Boy you came, just in time
I'm feelin' like, like I wanna ride
I still have some postitions, that I still ain't done, lemme have my fun
Whipped cream, strawberries, down ya back, add cherries
Ain't nobody gotta know my name
Assume the position
Erika's on a mission
And it start at.....

[chorus]

(One), come over
(Two), turn over
(Three), remember
(Four), you're a freak like me
(Five), I'm on my knees
(Six), you're begging me please
Nobody's gonna do ya like me
My nasty grind, (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
My nasty grind, (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
My nasty grind, (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Noboby's gonna do ya like me

Now meet me in the shower in about an hour
You wash my back and I'll wash yours
Take ya to the bedroom, I'm in a sexy mood
You do me and watch as I do you
Two bodies vibrating, your manhood is escalating
Tongues touch, bodies trace, turn over, I don't see your face
Kiss your neck, your back, your toes, what's next?

[repeat chorus 1x]

Do you want me? (You can have me)
Do you need me? (I'm yours)
Ask me (you'll see)
I promise (it's yours)
Anything you want,(I got it)
Anything you need,(it's yours)
Nobody's gonna do ya like me
All my ladies say (hey-ey-ey-ey, hey-ey-ey-ey, hey-ey-ey-ey)
Nobody's gonna do ya like me
All my ladies say yeah

[repeat chorus]

I stood there and read my lyrics over and over again, dang I sound like a freak. I rolled over to my side and went to sleep.

[SN: That song is Adina Howard 'Nasty Grind' It's old but that song stays on repeat in my house. My cousin said she's Team Eritae. But i like Donika. lmaooo.]